I obviously have this (what do I call it....um????) thing? no......deformity.....definately not.......gadget...yes ...go go gadget go..........(ok i digress). Obviously I have this gadget for a reason. I am realising that it may not only be about my being a mother but coming to terms with my own mother. Yes my narcassistic mother. While I understand she is 'ill', it doesnt deminish what my childhood was about (and how much she still gets away with even today).
Even through this, its not about supporting me, its about how much closer I am too my aunt (who I have developed a very close realtionship with in the past few years, shes almost like a surromom) than to her. She even lied and said my SIL was upset that I was talking to my aunt about it . Initially I got so pissed and then i cuaght myself and thought... my SIL in the US, with 2 small kids, who isnt especially touchy feely......she would even think that way??? then it dawned on me how much she lies. My whole life she probably lied, manipulated, exaddurated the truth etc. Now ordinarily i dont associate it too much, but for some reason, while i am going through this very traumatic time in my life, I got so angry. Why should i have to deal with her drama???? so what if i confide in my aunt (at least she supports me??) Why cant she, for once in her life, allow me to be the one going through something. even now she wont let me. and now i really need it.......................
Oh Alchemist, I can so relate to you. My mother is also 'sick' and I have so much baggage from my childhood to work through. It took me ten years of marriage before I even started to believe that maybe, just maybe I can be a better mother than the one I had. At least you have your surro-mom to be there for you at this time. And of course your IF sisters
ReplyDeleteAlchemist, i firmly believe that a mother is not necessarily the woman that gives birth to you...so carry on building the relationship with your aunty. If it helps you hell...then go gadget go!!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Alchemist
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear this. Have you read a book called "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner - changed my whole outlook on relationships. It's all about breaking those dysfunctional patterns. And when you don't "buy into them" anymore, people around you also have no other choice but to change their ways. Quite fascinating!
Hi Al,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear that you are going trough this with your mom. And i agree with bratty !! And keep on confiding in your and because you need all the support you can get now.
Hanneke
Sorry that you're going through this my babes, at a time when, as you say, you really don't need it. It's easy to say "Don't Stress" .. but please take care of yourself. I'm glad that you at least have your aunt for support. xx Chopper
ReplyDelete